Howdy and thanks for joining our text commentary as Chelsea kick off their pre-season campaign by visiting New York Red Bulls in their native New Jersey. Don't ask. Anywho, I'm Shane and I'll be bringing you all the action at Red Bull Arena as the Premier League champions prepare for their curtain-raiser in the International Champions Cup. Think the Capital One Cup but better.

Hazard. Fabregas. Costa. Courtois. Matic. Terry. Not since The Sopranos finished has New Jersey seen such an eclectic mix of heavy-hitters, schemers, enforcers and cut-throats occupy the Garden State.

We've got the brains of the operation in Hazard and Fabregas. The tough-as-old-boots type in the form of Matic and Terry. And what 'family' would be complete without a reliable trigger man? Indeed, Costa is quite good at that. And lest we forget Jose Mourinho - the boss. Or is that Abramovich? We haven't put a great deal of thought into this analogy. Let's stop before we get in too deep, much like the mafia itself.

Indeed, Mourinho has brought a deluge of star-studded talent with him on this US tour - but there's somebody missing. Radamel Falcao, a loan signing from AS Monaco, is yet to join up with his new teammates after being granted an extended holiday; partially because he probably needed it after what he endured with Manchester United last term, but mainly because he participated in the Copa America with Colombia.

Despite his woes last season, Falcao remains a fascinating player and it would've been nice to see him in action. However, he is due to team up with his new team in the coming days. They've got games with Paris Saint-Germain and Barcelona on the horizon remember. His Colombian teammate Juan Cuadrado is also absent so, you know, every cloud and whatnot. Brazil's Willian and Filipe Luis will also join up with the squad at some point.

Team news? Anyone? Go on then. First let's have a song to whet the appetite. Given that Chelsea wear blue, and considering it was Monday three days ago, let's bang this one out before we have a full check on the first XIs, shall we? It was either this or Eiffel 65 folks.

CHELSEA XI: Courtois; Ivanovic (c), Zouma, Cahill, Azpilicueta; Fabregas, Mikel; Moses, Oscar, Traore; Remy

RED BULLS XI: Reynish, Miller, McLaws, Stolz, Obekop, Ouimette, Davis, Plewa, Tsonis, Adams, Bedoya

CHELSEA SUBS: Begovic, Terry, Aina, Clarke-Salter, Chalobah, Matic, Loftus-Cheek, Hazard, Diego Costa, Solanke

RED BULLS SUBS: Castano, Williams, Akinyode, Castellanos, Manoslavas, Heffron, Da Fonte, Thomas, Metzger

It's looks like a fusion of Mourinho's established players, the ones he wants to see more of. Like a rectal exam, let's start at the bottom and we've got Thibaut Courtois between the sticks. Further forward we've got Branislav Ivanovic, Kurt Zouma, Gary Cahill and Cesar Azpilicueta in the back four. Fabregas, Jon Obi Mikel sit in midfield, while Victor Moses, Oscar and Bertrand Traore provide support for lone striker Loic Remy.

What do we make of that then? Decent, I'd say. On the one hand, the fans have plenty of big names there to marvel at, while Mourinho can also examine the ones he's uncertain about. And then there's Moses, who surely won't be there when the transfer window closes.

We've established that this is Chelsea's first game of pre-season, but Red Bulls are in the middle of their MLS campaign. How are they getting on? Quite good thanks for asking. Marsch's men are third in the Eastern Conference, six points adrift of leaders DC United with THREE games in hand. You do the maths. Or math if we want to blend in.

However, they do come into this friendly on a bit of a downer. Just two days ago, the Red Bulls exited the US Open at the quarter-final stage via the heartbreak of a penalty shootout defeat to Philadelphia Union. With that in mind, Marsch's team selection is understandable, isn't it?

He has elected for a very underwhelming first XI here. Quite a few youngsters. By my reckoning, the entire first XI have about 15 MLS appearances between them this season. This one could get messy. Very messy.

Scratch what I said earlier. Diego Costa is well and truly out of the Blue mafia. He's only gone and broken rule number one. Having said that, he most probably only caught the policeman's attention for doing something particularly nasty. GBH or something. Welcome back kid.

.@diegocosta with one of Hoboken's finest! #CFCTour pic.twitter.com/WmCxPYbssv — Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) July 22, 2015

We said Falcao would be joining his new teammates in the coming days, but looks like he's already there! He won't, however, take part tonight.

Having only just arrived he's unlikely to feature, but we're ready to welcome our new teammate @FALCAO #CFCTour https://t.co/pEtPIDqUq8 — Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) July 22, 2015

Meanwhile, outside the stadium there is plenty of activity at our fanzone... #CFCTour pic.twitter.com/13v30V2F4O

— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) July 22, 2015

10 minutes until showtime. This can only mean one thing: it's time to get a prediction wrong? Some say there's little point in predicting pre-season friendlies, but we have to kill time somehow. So, 4-0 Chelsea. They're only semi-fit, but they still should have far too much quality for a Red Bulls XI lacking in experience.

Ah, right on cue. Here come the lads. Chelsea, led by Branislav Ivanovic and wearing their home kit, enter the field of play. They're a bit early. There's still seven minutes to kill. Lord knows what they're going to do.

The referee does the coin toss now but the big question is: what constitutes heads and tails on American coins? I cannot reveal who won the aforementioned coin toss.

KICKOFF! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're off at Red Bull Arena. Loic Remy and Oscar - who appears to be getting younger - get us underway. Good atmosphere already. Very decent attendance, too. Let's go.

We predicted a relatively bad outcome for this inexperienced Red Bulls XI, but they're playing quite well so far. They're affording the Blues' midfielders very little time to weave their magic and that's the key.

CHANCE! And that's why Moses won't be at Chelsea come September. Probably. He's got plenty of time and space on the left wing, before cutting inside his marker with a Ronaldo chop but, with just Reynish to beat, Moses fires straight at the goalkeeper. Decent save, but it goes down as a bad miss for me.

Red Bulls have had a couple of corners but nothing as come from them as of yet. Still, my 4-0 looks a little audacious at this moment in time because the hosts haven't been bad.

SHOT! Jet-heeled winger Bertrand Traore gets himself into a decent position, but his left-footed shot in well over the bar. Never troubling Reynish.

SHOT! Really good tempo to this one so far and Red Bulls come straight back with an effort of their own, as Davies drills just wide of Courtois's near post, but the Belgian had it covered. He's got everything covered.

Has US Soccer Guy hacked the Red Bulls' official Twitter account?

6: Victor Moses is stopped with a kick save from Kyle Reynish. 0-0 #NYvCFC #ICC2015

— New York Red Bulls (@NewYorkRedBulls) July 23, 2015

Trying telling Marius Obekop it's only a friendly. The 20-year-old is lucky to avoid a yellow card here as he upends Traore with quite a bad tackle. The referee is either quite incompetent or he knows it's quite a jovial contest. Both are plausible.

Good grief. Might Red Bulls actually be Stoke in disguise? Same colour shirts and the physicality element is similar. Very similar. Chelsea know they're in a game.

Cesc Fabregas, who got 127 assists last season, looks to pick up another as he plays a wonderful long ball for Remy to chase, but Kyle Reynish is out sharpish to thwart the danger. Good goalkeeping again.

BOOKING: It was only a matter of time. Red Bulls' midfielder Sean Davis brings down Moses and he's booked. No complaints.

CLOSE! From the resulting free kick, Fabregas dinks it into Ivanovic, who crosses into the box and Kurt Zouma towers above Roy Miller to plant his header agonisingly wide. Chelsea on top.

Red Bulls giving as good as they get in the possession stakes, but they don't have the same cutting edge in the final third as Chelsea do. Plus, Chelsea's defence is alright, isn't it? Just alright.

Christopher Nolan is going to set Interstellar 2 at Red Bull Arena because there's just a ridiculous amount of space. Oscar benefits from that freedom, before teeing up Remy, who shows a bit of class and composure before slotting past Reynish and it's 1-0. It's been coming.

Half-an-hour in and there's not been much surprise. Chelsea dominant, but Red Bull have had their moments. They're doing what they can with what they have - which isn't much. Bear in mind that their first XI have about 15 MLS games between them. There's a wack of 'fringe' off the bench as well.

OFF THE POST! It's only Moses again, who latches on to Mikel's delightful over-the-top ball, but his dink beats Reynish and clips the post. He's getting closer, though.

Good game this. End-to-end at times. Very open. Precisely what a pre-season game should be. It's an exhibition. LA Galaxy boss Bruce Arena would do well to remember this after parking the bus against Barcelona last night.

The sting has been taken out of this one in recent minutes. It's not as open as it once was. Sadly. Mourinho's not going to shut up shop is he? He wouldn't. Surely?

CHANCE! Jesus wept. What a chance this was. Traore puts the ball back into the mixer following Moses's excellent cross, but Remy, from three yards out, manages to knee it over the bar. Madness.

CLOSE! Oh my word Courtois is a lucky, lucky boy. He tries a bit of skill with a Ronaldo chop, but Bedoya wrestles the ball off him and Adams looks certain to tap into an empty net, but the Belgian stopper recovered in the time nick of time. Adams's effort lacked a bit of pace and conviction to be fair.

That was quite an entertaining first half in my view. Chelsea take a narrow 1-0 lead into the break courtesy of Loic Remy, who should've scored again but he went all Nicklas Bendtner and missed an open goal from three yards out. At the other end, NY Red Bulls haven't disgraced themselves by any means, and they almost scored courtesy of a Courtois howler, but Adams failed to capitalise.

Correction: it was Marius Obekop who missed that last chance when Courtois tried to be a bit too wiley.

Still, very decent clash so far - and we haven't seen Hazard or Costa yet! Will we in the second half? Only time will tell.

RESTART! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back underway and I can confirm that Hazard and Costa are on! So is Matic.

Begovic, Terry, Aina, Ramires, Matic, Hazard, Loftus-Cheek and Diego Costa have all been brought on. #CFCTour

— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) July 23, 2015

CHANCE! What are they putting in the water in New Jersey? Remy missed from three yards in the closing minutes of the first half, and Diego Costa has just blasted over the bar from a similar distance. It's safe to say they're about rusty.

What a terrible, terrible goal from a defensive perspective and it's all level suddenly. It's an abysmal back pass by John Terry, and Castellanos capitalises on it, before wrestling the ball from Begovic's feet and slotting into an empty net. Begovic didn't cover himself in glory either, but JT. Good grief.

Minutes before that, it was Terry who bailed out Begovic. There was a communication breakdown between him and Zouma when both went for the same ball, but Castellanos's volley was cleared by Terry. What a difference a minute makes.

Chelsea really struggling maintain that fluency from the first half. It's all very lethargic and I can tell you, without a hint of hestitation, that Red Bulls are comfortably the better team since the break.

We've seen very little of Hazard in this second half. He's just ran at a couple of defenders, who comfortably blocked his rather tame shot. Wouldn't it be great if Chelsea were this bad all year round? Unfortunately, that's very unlikely. Most of them are still in holiday mode.

CLOSE! Oh my word. Costa wouldn't get a game in my astro team on this form. He does well to head Oscar's cross against the bar, but with the rebound, with the goal absolutely gaping, fires over the bar. That's three glaring misses from Chelsea - and two from Costa. Remy missed an open goal in the first half.

CHANCE! Oscar wouldn't get in my astro team anyway, but he's definitely not now. This isn't as bad as Costa's miss a moment ago, but he still should've done better as the Brazilian tries to lift the ball over Reynish but it bounces well wide. As we said, rusty. Most of them are the colour of rust by virtue of their summer tans.

Chelsea still should most definitely win this, but they're going a very strange way about it.

Amazing. Somehow, Red Bulls have completed the comeback and now lead 2-1! It's an excellent cross into the box by Castellanos, and Tyler Adams, the 16-year-old, guides his header past Begovic. His celebrations says it all. He's delighted, and so he should be. When I was 16 I was drinking cider and subsequently vomiting it up a few hours later. Quite an achievement for the young man. Savour it.

This is quite astonishing and I should point out that this is effectively a Red Bulls B team. The first team played less than 48 hours ago in a US Open defeat, prompting Jesse Marsch to shuffle his pack with fringe players. It's Sean Davis, who caresses the ball home from 12 yards after Chelsea failed to clear. Tidy finish.

That's why he's PFA Player of the Year last season. That's why Chelsea are Premier League champions. The Blues hit straight back through the Belgian, who expertly controls Oscar's cross before lashing a low strike into the corner of the goal past Reynish. Game on.

Now this is an exhibition. What a brilliant game. It's Goals R'Us, as Davis, who netted the third, completes his brace with a fierce left-footed drive from inside the box. In truth, Begovic was a bit suspect, but Davis won't care. The hosts have captured imaginations here because there's fans in attendance wearing Chelsea shirts who celebrated that Davis goal.

Four goals in seven minutes. Not bad, is it? We haven't had one in what seems like an age. I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I need to see a goal or I may need to abandon this commentary, go out to my local park with a football and score between two jumpers.

CHANCE! Will the real Diego Costa please stand up? This is bizarre. He could've had four tonight - and all four were gilt-edged chances. The latest miss was a one-on-one, as he fired just wide. If you're keeping count, he has also struck the crossbar, missed one open goal and blazed another chance over from about 4 yards. He's making Torres look like Pele here.

Only five minutes of this see-saw encounter. This is one of those games you don't want to end because it's been a joy to watch.

There's about three minutes of stoppage time I suspect. Surely Chelsea can't salvage a draw. Or can they? Definitely not, but let's see.

What a result this is for the hosts. Marsch fielded a first XI comprised mainly of youngsters and fringe players. Did it matter? Nope. They've only gone and beaten the Premier League champions! We should note that the majority of Chelsea players were still on holiday mode, and this was their first pre-season outing since returning. Still, take nothing away from the Red Bulls.

And what a moment for Tyler Adams. The 16-year-old scored the goal that put his team in front for the first time. Would it be a stretch to say that it could perhaps end up being one of the highlights of his career? Very possible, given that he didn't look brilliant overall. He'll remember that for years and years to come.

Anywho, that's all from us. Hopefully you've enjoyed our live coverage and we'll see you again shortly. Until then, stay classy.