05:11 reads the neon-green display on my radio clock when Michael Jackson's new posthumous single wakes me on Friday morning. Four of the five words in the title are 'never felt so good'. Steady there, Jacko.
It's just after sunrise, but I'm not bothered as soon I'll be jetting off to Ibiza to watch the Champions League final in style with Heineken - one of the chief sponsors of Europe's elite football competition.
Saturday's game is a meeting between Madrid's two main clubs, Real and Atletico. It's the first time that two sides from the same city have met in the Champions League final.
Here's how Sports Mole spent the weekend, which was headlined by the regular appearance of two former winners of the competition - Fernando Morientes and Luis Garcia.
I arrive at Gatwick a little after half six and must first check in. When my boarding card is handed back to me I notice that the seat number is 1A. That can only be good news. I meet a fellow member of the media for breakfast before we board the flight.
As expected, the first row not only gives us the room to stretch our legs, but also super-smiley service and free food and drink. It might only be just after nine, but a beer each and a serrano baguette from the lovely Clara does just the job of sending me to sleep for the two-hour journey to Barcelona.
We have to switch planes in Catalonia and again I get lucky as the guy next to me asks if I can swap with his mate on the emergency exit row. Extra leg room again, nice.
We land on Ibiza, the third largest of the Balearic Islands, at about 2pm and the sun is shining bright. Off comes the jumper.
The sun might be shining, but it's not glimmering quite as much as the small army of Dutch Heineken girls, who greet us in arrivals to direct us to our transfer.
Our hotel isn't far, right next to the port on the South-Eastern corner of the island. We have a couple of hours to kill and I spend most of the time messing around with every corner of the room before doing what might be considered work - drinking a beer and making a Vine.
After showering and changing into some more suitable summer clothing, I head to reception to meet the group that I'd be spending the weekend with. There's several of us media footyheads and Joe, our host from Heineken's PR company.
The inevitable questions on who supports who - no fellow Ipswich Town fans for some reason - and predictions on tomorrow's big game in Lisbon follow and by the time we leave the hotel I've already guzzled four bottles of Heineken. So, so many more to come.
Friday night is the 'warm up' for Saturday at beachside restaurant La Escollera, right at the Southern tip of Ibiza.
It's a gorgeous evening and upon arrival we're greeted by a giant Champions League football in the sky with two acrobats waving flags - one for Real, one for Atleti.
Heineken invites media, sponsors, competition winners and more to Ibiza for the weekend and all 600 of them are crammed onto the beach for a relaxed evening.
One of the biggest characters is 'Big Cheese' - a nightclub owner from Zambia who adores the attention of his giant frame, posing inside on the sofas surrounded by Heineken's high-heeled mob.
Main men Luis and Fernando arrive and after answering some questions and having a go behind the DJ decks, they're shown how to pour the perfect pint - start the flow, glass under at 45°, then skim off the excess head. Easy? Both Spaniards get it wrong the first time and have to do it again!
Up above, the nearby crane continues to provide high-wire displays, with an impressive saxophone player sat on a crescent moon to cap the evening off. Big Cheese seems curious and approaches, poking and rocking the saxophonist before he is told to stand back.
Next morning, it's a short walk to the catamaran that is taking us up the coast for the day's main event at Heineken Bay. Again, the sun is shining bright but there are clouds on the horizon and the Mediterranean weather we expected wasn't going to last long.
We approach the secluded beach and the first thing you notice is Heineken's floating bar a little way out from shore. It's already packed and although you can't see it from eye-level, from above it's shaped like the company's star logo, with a DJ right in the centre constantly bouncing all afternoon.
We're dropped off on a grass walkway to the beach and within seconds of stepping onto the sand we are offered sumptuous iberico ham on toast. The chef cutting it is a few feet away and is slicing it so slowly and finely that it looks like he has been told that he can't get to the bone before the day is up.
After grabbing lunch and catching the last of the decent sunlight, it's time to see if we can walk the walk as well as talk the talk. We write about footy, but can we play?
Last year there was a floating pitch in the sea and Rio Ferdinand - see here - but this year Heineken go Samba style with beach football.
It's difficult and everything that you expect to normally work on grass simply doesn't on sand. Still, we scrape a 2-1 win.
Over at the floating star, the flyboard show starts and at first it seems a little timid as the three performers simply circle the bar.
Then the fun starts with flips, Shefki Kuqi-style swallow dives and more. It's one of those things that they make look so easy but would be impossible to stand up for a novice.
Not only can they backflip, they're also waiters and deliver ice-cold beer to those on board, including Fernando and Luis.
The Spanish duo are brought back to the beach for media duties and at last we get to have a sit-down with them.
Luis is first and he looks annoyingly good for a 35-year-old who had just announced his retirement from the game after three seasons in Mexico.
The first thing I notice as we sit in a corner of the terrace are his unbelievably smooth legs. There's no time to waste though, let's get to the questions.
We cover a range of topics, the World Cup, Spain, Liverpool, Barcelona, being a coach - "Me? Not yet!" - and more.
One thing you can say about Luis - he's a big Steven Gerrard fan.
"He was a big help when I arrived (at Liverpool). He showed me the way of being at Liverpool, how they live, the passion of English football and how to feel about everything. Many things, he was a great teammate. He helped me make Liverpool feel like home. That's why he's the captain."
"Stevie" is the first name on Luis's I-played-with-him 5-a-side team, alongside Victor Valdes, Carles Puyol, Xavi Hernandez and Ronaldinho, who he names as the best player that he ever played with.
Although only three years separates the duo, when I meet Fernando I could put easily 10 years between them.
I'm not saying that Fernando, with strands of grey hair starting to appear, looked old, but with Luis next to him in a white t-shirt, shorts and converse trainers, there seemed to be a big difference.
The interview with Fernando is not so easy because his English is "not so good". We need help, and luckily Jurgen from Belgium arrives.
He works for Heineken and can speak eight languages, five fluently and two of those are English and Spanish. Hurrah.
Fernando has a rich history in the Champions League, winning three around the Millennium with Real and also getting to the final with Monaco in 2004.
Which was his favourite?
"The first one, always the first one! It was also really special because it was Real Madrid's first for 32 years."
Now a coach at Real, Fernando had a particularly good scoring record in European competitions throughout his career.
"It was always very nice to play in different countries for different teams and under different styles because as a footballer it's interesting to see different things. Not to just stay with one team and one country."
Luis and Fernando know each other well after playing together for Liverpool last decade. They were both on the books for the Reds' famous Istanbul triumph in 2005, but only Luis was able to experience the Champions League victory that season because Fernando was cup-tied following a January move from Real.
Luis describes it as the greatest moment of his career, while Fernando admits that it was disappointing to miss out.
Interviews done, we enjoy some more Heinekens while we wait to be taken back in time for the big game.
As the first of the boats arrive, the iberico slicer delicately carves off his last sliver when he finally gets to the bone.
Now for the reason we're all here, to watch the final at Ushuaia Beach Hotel.
After devouring the best buffet of the weekend, rain begins to fall heavily on the open-air venue and the rows of beanbags where we're going to watch the game.
The beanbag platforms are already slightly submerged by a pool and if the rain doesn't let up soon we might have to go back and get our trunks!
The rain does subsides a little, but it's still drizzling for kickoff so we use pillows as emergency umbrellas.
The support among all those present is about even. I'm impartial and just want to see a good game, like Luis and Fernando, who are perched just a few yards behind us.
Their presence is needed for Heineken's #ShareTheSofa Twitter campaign, where former Champions League players connect with football fans all over the world by answering questions on a specific game.
This season those who have guested on the sofa include Owen Hargreaves, Fernando Hierro, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Patrick Kluivert, Hernan Crespo, Ruud Gullit and Roberto Di Matteo.
At one point Luis gets the better of Fernando when talking about a cynical tackle.
@Heineken No you wouldn't, you're not a fighter ^LG
— Heineken (@Heineken) May 24, 2014
On the big screen Atleti break the deadlock before half time when Diego Godin loops a header over the hesitant Iker Casillas, but Guillermo, or Willy as he preferred, our friend from Marca and a massive Atleti fan, stays put.
He thinks the goal might be ruled out but it's given and he explodes. "VAMOOOOOOS!"
© Getty Images
After losing their star striker Diego Costa to injury in the early stages, Atleti defend the lead and it looks like they're going to hold out until the 93rd minute.
Sergio Ramos, who had earlier got his customary booking for unnecessarily running the length of the field to debate a decision, rises highest to head Los Blancos level.
Willy is distraught nearby, but the Heineken brand manager from Italy a few rows in front is delirious and swings his beanbag up above his head.
Ramos's equaliser means that those who are keen to get next door for the €80 club night have to wait another 30 minutes for extra time. Not us. More footy - great!
After a goalless first 15, Real rip through Atleti in the second to claim their 10th European title - La Decima.
Gareth Bale was criticised by some for his wasteful finishing during the match, but he made a lot more happen than Cristiano Ronaldo and scores the vital third goal that effectively won the match for Real.
Ronaldo does get his goal with a late penalty to make it 4-1 and when it is awarded a despondent Willy storms off.
© Getty Images
For Real, it's a historic 10th success in Europe's premier competition and congratulations to them.
You feel for Atleti though, who were just seconds away from completing a memorable league and European double.
The venue empties quickly as Heineken's guests either go next door to party the night away or drown their sorrows with the strong mojitos, which made a nice change from all the beer!
As the curtain closes on yet another spellbinding season (only a fortnight until the World Cup folks, don't panic), Ibiza's party season opens and at Ushuaia 11,000 people, including me, bop long into the night.
